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2/11/2015 6:23 pm  #21

Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

Since I am a lover of anything animal, I hope the non-lethal traps work. I have cats, so I've never really had a mouse problem. I'm thinking you should catch him, name him, and integrate him into some sort of habitat as a potential pet. I mean, you already know you share the same tastes in food. Plus, people actually pay for them at pet stores. I don't really expect anyone to want mice running all over their house, but I think mice are cool. They're cute and rather intelligent. I would never, ever , ever use a sticky trap on anything. Ever. It's a horrible way to die, and one that I would not inflict on any creature. Poison is horrible too. I once tried to save a baby skunk that had gotten into poison somewhere, but had to watch him painfully and slowly die. Not something I would reccomend. 


2/11/2015 7:43 pm  #22

Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

Since CT is brave enough to pour his heart out in this thread, I might as well take a crack at it too.

I can't believe it's been almost a year since my dad died. It was so hard to deal with at first, then it got a little easier, but now it seems to be getting harder again. It was like he was just away for awhile or something, but now it keeps feeling like I should hear from him any day. I call my mom and when the phone is ringing, I keep thinking he will answer, but he doesn't. I still have his cell number in my phone. I can't bring myself to delete it. I feel his absence every day and it hurts so damn bad. I'll be going about my business, then out of the blue my guts clench up and my heart constricts to the point that I can't breath for a minute. It's like mini panic attacks. I guess anyone that's lost someone close to them feels that way. It's hard to talk to anyone about it. I don't want to talk to my mom or my brothers about it because I don't want to make them any more sad than they already are. I sometimes feel like I'm suffering from some PTSD from the traumatic nature of what we went through that day. I can't seem to get out of my head the picture of the paramedics working on him to try to save his life. I miss him.


2/11/2015 9:19 pm  #23

Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

BYOB, thinking of you. It's not "comforting," but my dad died in 1993 and I still feel that way. I am the same way about not wanting to talk about it to my mom, because it upsets her so much. I am actually glad that we moved from the home he passed away at - even though I REALLY wish we hadn't - because I couldn't get those pictures you describe out of my head.

So it doesn't help, but ... you're not alone. And when it hits you, even 20+ years later, it floors you. It does hit less often, so I guess there's that, but at WEIRD times. I absolutely lost it at a friend's wedding one time when she danced with her dad. Like panic attack/hysteria lost it. More than a little embarrassing.

Anyway, I just want to send you a big hug. No one ever REALLY knows how you feel, but I think I get it a bit and I'm thinking of you.

I'm just here for the party.

2/11/2015 9:40 pm  #24

Re: The Random Thoughts Thread


You wrote that "it has been almost a year" which I take to mean that the anniversary is coming us soon.

Those are tough...hard enough not to replay what you were doing in those hours and days, even harder not to replay the emotions you were feeling.   So if they do replay, don't beat yourself up or think that you are's all normal.

Some year it will get better.  

Life is an Orthros.

2/12/2015 3:03 am  #25

Re: The Random Thoughts Thread


My heart goes out to you.  I think loss of a family member/loved one is emotionally one of the most difficult things we face in life.  I am fortunate enough to still have both parents, but have lost other family members in the recent past.  Some people say things get easier with time...and maybe they do for some people, but not for all sometimes, especially when things like anniversaries come around. Try to just let yourself go through the emotions, cry if you need to, and know that you are not alone in your grief.

Hugs to you.

Carpe Diem!

2/12/2015 10:52 am  #26

Re: The Random Thoughts Thread


Sorry, I tried quoting your message but it isn't working for some reason.

I've heard the expression "time heals all wounds".  But healed wounds leave scars.  And sometimes wounds are with you for life.

It gets less debilitating over time but it never goes away.  Sometimes the deaths in my family move themselves to the front of my mind and it's like they just happened.  I know what you're feeling.

It really helps me to get things out.   That's mostly what I was using this thread for.  If you start posting a journal you may find things are a little easier to work with.

Be well.

If you make yourself miserable trying to make others happy that means everyone is miserable.

-Me again

     Thread Starter

2/12/2015 11:01 am  #27

Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

Thank you all so much for your kind words! They actually do help. I know I am not alone in this type of grief, but man, it sure does feel like an island of loneliness sometimes. You guys are right, the "anniversary" is coming up on March 25. I don't think the actual date bothers me, although it may when it comes up. I think it's more of how fast time went, and it's been foggy this past year. Like stumbling through the motions that are expected of me but not really living them, you know what I mean? It's like everyone goes about there normal daily business while in my head I'm screaming "none of this stuff really matters!" A lot of the things that used to interest me I'm finding hard to really care too much about anymore. I know I'm stuck in this horrible depression and it sucks. The doctor gave me a prescription for a pretty strong anti-depressant, but I haven't gotten it filled because I know that it would just be a chemical cover-up and I don't want that false/forced feeling of it. It seems like I would just be putting off and prolonging the inevitable. I'm trying to stick it out the old fashioned way I guess - mainly suffering in silence. What I also failed to mention before that makes things worse is that each month for the 3 months after my dad died, I lost a pet. After losing my dad and 3 pets all in a row like that, I feel like death is just piling up all around me for some reason. And it doesn't help that I have always had this weird overwhelming urge to save everyone and everything, and when I can't, it bothers me more than the average person. I guess you could say that I suffer from over-empathy and I can't really change it. As they say, it's who I is.

Joan, I'm sorry about your dad, and I totally get what you mean by 'weird times'.
And I'm also sorry about your family members that were lost too Dream Realm.
And Tarnation, just thanks.

You know, there's something cathartic about people you don't know, who don't have to care, but do anyway, so thanks! Hugs back at ya.

Just saw your post CT, and thank you as well. You're right. Sometimes it does feel better to let it all out. I'm very sorry for your losses too.

Last edited by BYOB (2/12/2015 11:05 am)


2/12/2015 2:35 pm  #28

Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

Random thought - Why do I sometimes have to stop and think about how old I am when someone asks me? It's like the number doesn't sound right or something. Strange.    

Maybe I'm getting...........what's that thing called where you start to loose your memory?....................

Last edited by BYOB (2/12/2015 2:36 pm)


2/12/2015 3:24 pm  #29

Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

I was walking through the lobby at the assistance office in Bay County Florida when a small girl looked up at me and said "What's your name?"

I looked around, then looked down, and went down on one knee so I was on her level and in a solumn manner said "My name is Benjamin, what's yours?"

She replied "Amy."

I shook her hand and said "I'm very pleased to meet you miss Amy.  How old are you?"

She replied "I'm six.  How old are you?"

I said "I was born in the year 1463, I'm five hundred and forty-eight years old.  But that's a secret, don't tell anyone."

She promised she would keep my secret.  I went back to my office, found a small stuffed moose wearing a sweat-shirt, and gave it to her.

This encounter came back to mind when you mentioned not being able to remember how old you are BYOB.

If you make yourself miserable trying to make others happy that means everyone is miserable.

-Me again

     Thread Starter

2/12/2015 3:51 pm  #30

Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

That's a pretty cool memory she'll have forever now CT!


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