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1/11/2018 12:45 am  #551

Re: The Random Thoughts Thread


The mood is erratic.

 There's actually a reason for the erratic. For some reason I've been awake for around thirty-five hours. I took the time to slowly...very slowly...ponder the possible reasons for the insomnia attack.

 I'm not sleep-walking but I did fall asleep standing up twice already.

 The last time something like this happened I was in the middle of trying to pee at my brother's house and face-planted into a shelf above the toilet. The shelf, of course, was jam-packed with breakable objects.

 My brother's paramour was not happy in the least.

 That time was following a massive upheaval in my life wherein I moved to another state, changed jobs, and spent every free moment with my pops in a nursing home. I was right there with him at the moment he drew his last breath.

 So, naturally, I was far too agitated to sleep...ever.

 This isn't like that. Nothing bad is happening. Quite the contrary, in fact. I'm going out in the world and meeting groups of complete strangers without one or more Wendy's acting as my social anchor. They acted as the one solid relationship in rooms full of strangers.

 But I'm thinking that's not the point and I'm also thinking there may not have been one. It's that kind of tired.

 The Dungeons and Dragons (D&D) game was a mixed success.

 I enjoyed being there but it was waaaaaaay more crowded than I'd anticipated. I was expecting a group of maybe a dozen, tops. There was a dozen. And one more dozen.

 The gaming group meets in the back of strip-mall store called Comic Store East York. I didn't ask.

 The people who run the store appear to be hosting the event but not participating so there's a dynamic to this process I'm not seeing yet. The event was at the back of the store and had six conference tables filled along with this sort of chest-height cabinet.

 There were five players and one dungeon master (DM). But there were only four chairs. And they were all occupied. So I was sitting on one of those plastic stacking chairs while people were literally talking over my head which annoyed me.

 I had to keep hauling myself up using the edge of the crate so I could see the board so the pain level just kept creeping up. I only lasted an hour and a half.

 I wasn't completely happy with the game. I would have been interesting but the same four people just talked and talked and talked and didn't write anything down. We would get to the first mystery and no one knew what to do. Since they were all talking at the same time no one listened as I repeated several times that I'd written everything down.

 The party had six members but only four were playing. Or being allowed to play. If I wanted to contribute anything I would have had to shout over both the background noise in the room and my fellow party members.

 So I sat quietly, I observed, and I reconnected with the patterns for role-playing games that were so intricate and engaging and had been unused for nearly thirty years.

 When I mentioned I'd last played in 1987 there was a rather long silence—which was a minor miracle—then everyone pointed out that they either started playing then or they weren't even born then.


 That pretty-much just rolled off. I'm aware that I'm aging because, you know, I'm in here with it. I'd probably be more upset if I found out I'm not aging. Immortality might look nice and glossy but try living for fifty-thousand years.

 Gibbering wouldn't even begin to describe it.

 But I digress. I'm sure this is in part due to the lack of sleep. My body may be having recurring surges of energy but my brain the the biggest muscle in my body and is used constantly while I'm conscious and frequently used when I'm not.

 It needs a rest.

 And I'm off the topic again.

 What annoyed me about the game was this; this was supposed to be an introductory game. Something to help new people get an idea how to play.

 Unfortunately, the person running the game didn't feel the need to provide any sort of guidance to the new players such as “This isn't a video game, you really shouldn't shoot arrows at everything we the small children we were supposed to rescue”, or “Things would work out better if you cooperated”, or “It's a good idea to get input from everyone in your party”.

 You know, basic advice on how to play the game which was why we were there.

 So I spent most of the time feeling like I was sitting in a kiddie chair at the grownup's table while being largely ignored.

 I can address a number of these problems and I will.

 I learned long ago that the solution to any problem stemming from another person's behavior isn't to rant and rave in an effort to make them change. I can only affect the things I have control over and .other people' isn't on that list.

 So what can I control?

 I can control when I arrive. I arrived for this game exactly at 6pm, the scheduled start time for the meet-up, but the place was already packed. Who knew? It was a full-on geekapalooza. Or, as I call them, people like me.

 Based on what I observed when I arrived I guessed most had arrived at least half an hour early.

 Next time I'm going an hour early. This may not be enough but I don't want to overdo. By arriving early, I can seize one of tall chairs and place it next to the dungeon master. This will solve the problem of having to get up over and over and over until I'm miserable.

 I'm guessing it will at least influence the “largely ignored” by putting both me in everyone's line of sight and sitting next to the DM means he'll actually be able to hear me when I say I'm doing something and I can address my concerns regarding guidance.

 Not guidance for how to play but guidance for how we play together.

 It's a game for a party of adventurers not a party for adventurers.

 Last time we were just a group of individuals who happened to be doing the same thing.

 I'm hoping next time we can work on just being a group.

 Thanks for listening

If you make yourself miserable trying to make others happy that means everyone is miserable.

-Me again


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