I was bored in the waiting room at the VA Hospital in Lebanon.

 The waiting room was full. I was in a chair by a wall with a small table next to me and an elderly chap in the chair next to that. The elderly chap's attention was focused on the book in his lap.

 I started fooling around with my ringtones and notification sounds and, purely by accident(not really), played the ringtone that is a voice on a PA system saying “will the man with the twelve-inch penis please answer the phone”...This repeats twice.

 Without looking up from his book, the elderly chap next to me held out his hand, palm-up and said “I'll give it back when I'm done.”   

I never really appreciated the importance of hyphens until I saw it first-hand.

11/20/2017

 The mood is low. 

I'm experiencing this general malaise. A sort of ennui of the spirit.

 I believe the mood is being influenced by the general emotive state of We The People.

 One of the things I discovered on my trip is that everyone appears to be angry. The odd thing is no one seems to know what they're angry about. I tried asking, but trying to pin down why someone is angry when they have no idea what they're angry about tends to make them...well, angry. Er.

 Mostly everyone is angry about politics.

 You see, about three decades ago, someone hit on the idea that if you whip the voters into a frenzy they generally just vote without asking a lot of questions. But controlling the emotions of a large population isn't something that can be accomplished overnight.

 Start small.

 Add a more sinister cast to your negative campaigning. Some visuals without really explaining them. Nothing overt, mind you, just darken the background light a little in their picture. Play background music that engenders a looming sense of evil.

 Then start running the ad's without context.

 Show packs of jackals taking down a baby antelope. Tearing it to pieces. Hey, it's nature, not violence. Be sure it's as gory an memorable as possible. Then, in the last few seconds of the ad, just imply...just the barest hint...that your opponents weakness will lead to their horrifying end. If you can, work in an image of a man in a turban, preferably with a gun, just before you show your opponent's name.
 Did you lie? No, of course not. Slander? Nope. Liable? Not a word. You never even mentioned your opponent's name. When they object, loudly complain (to the press, for free) that your opponent is suppressing your free speech rights.

 Then start the whisper campaign.

 This is best because you only have to plant the seed, others will water it with mistrust, fear, and anger. For example; Have someone call people and say they're conducting a “poll”. Ask questions like “do you support the candidate's stance on reducing sentences for sex offenders?”

 See what you did there?

 You don't have to say that the candidate stance is –against-- reducing sentences...they'll just assume your opponent wants to let perverts loose on the streets. It's not a lie if they make rash judgments, is it? Best part, you don't even need to conduct a real poll. Just ask a question like that one and your opponent will become a pedophile overnight.

 You see where I'm going with this, don't you.

 Just apply the above as you move up the political ladder and by the time you're in the big leagues you'll have millions of people who'd rather see the country go up in flames than vote for your opponent.

 You will no longer need to waste money promoting your platform. Just use the press. That's what they're there for. Just say anything even remotely controversial and they'll come running with lots of free air time.

 Make it count.

 Now, you may be thinking that turning people against each other in order to get votes is immoral. That's correct. But there's no law saying you can't so if it's not illegal than it must also not be immoral so you can sleep better at night. Yes, they're be consequences a few years down the road. At some point, what you created will boil over into widespread violence...it's the only possible conclusion.



 But look at the bright side.

 You have your seats, your votes, your offices....everything you've ever wanted.

 Who cares if someone gets hurt?

 Thanks for listening.

11/28/2017

 The mood is improving.

 Things were very dismal. By going to look for it, I discovered a reality that is far removed from the reality I'd hoped for. It's taking some time to get through all of this. It's a lot to digest.

 My spirit is considerably lighter today.

 This is largely attributed to a decision I should have made years ago. I am never looking for the worst in people, although I should be. A recurring theme throughout my life has been people trying to save me from getting involved or remaining involved with people who do not have my best interests at heart—or any of my interests.

 If I'm friends with someone it's because they have qualities I find appealing. Not qualities that closely match my own because I already know what I'm like. But I have a tendency to overlook qualities that are undesirable. Qualities that are undesirable to everyone, not just to me.

 The end result is that, although there is staggering evidence to the contrary, I simply won't accept that walking away is the best option. But you can only break something so many times before it can never be repaired again.

 And that's where I am.



 I got a new laptop to take on my trip.

 I'd taken hundreds of pictures when I was in Ohio with Terry Prand. Just an aside, Terry's the best host ever!

 I'd lucked into a weekend with two events scheduled. The first was a 100 mile trip by Jeep touring the covered bridges in rural Ohio. I got some really great pictures. The second was racing and a very, very large flea market.

 I took a lot of pictures of Terry racing because I have a friend who freaking races! How cool is that? It's a timed competition with people racing their factory-specs cars. That is to say, no modifications beyond what you could get from a dealer when it was new.

 I had some spare time between the racing and shopping at the flea market so I attempted to transfer the pictures from my phone to my laptop...and inadvertently deleted all of the racing pictures. I'd spent two hours wandering around, lining up shots, basically taking a full range of positions, angles, lighting..etc.

 All gone.

 I did manage to get a really good video which I posted but that's all I'd had left. Bummer.

 The new laptop has some annoying features. I especially dislike all of the things that show up on the windows panel...all those little blocks with weather, news, sports, documents...that sort of thing.

 I was in the process of sweeping the excess crap off of that panel when I noticed the photo panel which was in slideshow mode by default—racing pictures.

 I hadn't deleted them, they just went to a default file because they'd been downloaded automatically as soon as I plugged the phone in. So something good did crop up.

 Things aren't always the way they seem.

 Sometimes I need a little help to see this.

 And sometimes I've been seeing it all along.

 It's learning which is which that matters.

 
Thanks for listening

12/11/2017

 The mood is even trending downward.

 I'm trying to figure out who I am and it's causing no end of confusion.

 There have been a significant number of changes in my life recently. Changes that took place over a relatively short period of time. These things happen. It's not the first time and likely not the last.

 Each event of significant change over my lifetime is always accompanied by a major personality shift.

 I don't mean I become someone else, nor am I claiming multiple personalities; however, like most people most of my life was not defied by who I was, it was defined by what I was.

 I was a student. I was a fighter aircraft mechanic. I was a student again. I was a caseworker.

 None of these people are the same people. Yes, it's me...and it's not me. Which is about as much sense as I can make of it. In order to function in any of those aspects a functional pattern has to be formed. A pattern that contains information on how to run the engines on an F-15 are not much use determining eligibility for Long Term Care Medicaid.

 They can't be the same person.

 The student was not a mechanic. The mechanic was a student, but only of mechanics. The student was a student in a subject in no way related to being a mechanic. The caseworker was still a student, but only in things relative to social services.

 All of those people are me, but each differs sharply from the last. I can't be the same person every time because I would never be able to form an understanding. There has to be a pattern and it can't be mashed into another pattern. They have to fit. So sharp changes in circumstances lead to changes in personality in a manner relative to what I was at the time.

 And there's the rub. Until recently, every aspect of my life had been defined by what I was. Now I'm no longer a what, I'm a who.

 Not what am I.

 Who am I?

 I've never defined myself in terms other than what my occupation was. Motion in a forward direction. But direction is irrelevant now. There is time for reflection and time to determine what shape, what aspect, I'll form without a central core of occupation to define myself.

 So I'm considering who I am.

 Possibly for the first time in my life.

 Thanks for listening.