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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—
Fulfilling a promise that was a hallmark of his campaign, President-elect Donald J. Trump said on Thursday that on Day One of his Administration he would create jobs for two unskilled white males.
Appearing at a press conference flanked by the males, Trump assailed an economy that had left the two men behind.
“These two guys are completely unskilled, unemployable, and angry,” Trump said, as the two males glowered at the press corps. “I, and I alone, can create jobs for people like them.”
Gesturing vehemently at the two men, Trump underlined his last point. “No one—I repeat, no one—but me is willing to give these two jobs,” he said.
Last edited by Just Fred (11/17/2016 1:47 pm)
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If you liked that one, flowergirl, you'll love this one:
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Speaking to reporters late Friday night, President-elect Donald Trump revealed that he had Googled Obamacare for the first time earlier in the day.
“I Googled it, and, I must say, I was surprised,” he said. “There was a lot in it that really made sense, to be honest.”
He said that he regretted that the frenetic pace of the presidential campaign had prevented him from Googling Obamacare earlier. “You’re always running, running, running,” he said. “There were so many times that I made a mental note to Google Obamacare but I just never got around to it.”
Trump also told the reporters that, now that the campaign was over, he had finally found the time to Google Mexico.
Last edited by Just Fred (11/17/2016 5:34 pm)