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8/21/2015 5:45 pm  #161


Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

HA! Your revised story made me literally LOL. Very good points all.


Joan
I'm just here for the party.
 

8/21/2015 6:55 pm  #162


Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

I sugested to someone the other day to check before clicking on something to "pass it on" as requested by the latest poster.  Turns out it was 4 years old and never substantiated.  She became a little miffed at my suggestion to check before clicking and said she doesn't want to check everything out first. So be it and this is why the junk on the internet keeps perpetuating its self.

 

8/21/2015 10:33 pm  #163


Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

I am a natural born skeptic.

I am a born-again believer in Truth.

Therefore, before passing on anything remotely questionable I do some basic detective work, ie, Snopes, Google, etc.  If it isn't true I don't pass it on AND I send my findings "reply all" to everyone sent the urban legend.

But sometime in the heat of the moment I screw up and click "send" anyway.


Life is an Orthros.
 

8/30/2015 10:37 am  #164


Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

08/30/2015

 The mood is unstable. It's all over the place. I'm up, I'm down. It's...difficult.

 I've been avoiding any contact with any kind of outside media. It has a drastic effect on my mood. Mostly because I can believe people could actually be so hateful, or angry, or indifferent.

 But I'm curious. So occasionally break the rule. And regret it.

 I saw something making the rounds on Facebook about people doing something nice for another person then being angry that that person showed no gratitude. It made me think of the incident a few weeks ago with the parking-lot vultures.

 Why did I decide to help those people? Did I expect to be repaid? Did I expect praise?

 No. I didn't. I just couldn't sit there and watch another person suffer if I had the power or ability to help them. I identified this emotion as empathy. Not immediately, mind you. I was confused for several hours afterword trying to work out what I was feeling.

 I did not feel proud of myself. In fact the praise I was receiving from my co-workers was making me uncomfortable. It took a great deal of time to sort out why I was feeling this way. It was because I just did something anyone else would do in my place.

 But that isn't the world we live in. It's only the world I live in.

 In this world, we see the humiliation of another person as entertainment. We delight in violence inflicted on others. We enjoy seeing people suffer. We praise cliché as wisdom. Rage as good sense. Anger as understandable. We care about nothing beyond the self. We care nothing about those we don't know. We are not a nation, we are a collection of 300 million individuals who are completely indifferent to each other.

 I see reality as a series of interlocking patterns. I see an overall pattern for everything I' aware of. I can see, quite clearly, where all of the above fits into the overall pattern of reality. We are headed for disaster. And I fear is is far too late to turn back. The conclusion to all of this is inevitable. And no one else sees this. Or they do but don't care.

 What I don't understand is why.

 People have children, grandchildren, family and friends they care about. So why would they want to hand them a world built of fear, and rage, and hatred, and violence?

 Why?

 Thanks for listening


If you make yourself miserable trying to make others happy that means everyone is miserable.

-Me again

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     Thread Starter
 

8/31/2015 11:58 am  #165


Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

08/31/2015
 


The mood is erratic and unpredictable.
 


This date is auspicious.  Not for any good reason.  On August 31st my mother called.  Did call.  Will call.  It’s all still brand new.
 


It was just a conversation.  I believe I was the last person she spoke to in this world.  She had called to say goodbye.  I heard, but I didn’t listen.  It only occurred to me, after the fact, what she was really saying.  She said she loved me.  She said I was her heart.  Then she hung herself.
 


What do you do with this?
 


There was no note.  There didn’t need to be.  The action and the method she chose was the note.  I was able to determine her movements on the last day by examining the ambient patterns.
 


She had gotten up at around 7am.  She logged on to her AOL account and replied to an e-mail from someone on E-Bay about a book they were interested in purchasing.  She logged on to her Netflix account and ordered a moved.  She started a word document to list what medications she was on and their attendant side effects.  She had gone downstairs and took all of her medications out of the cabinet where they were kept and put them on the counter.  She began making a written list.
 


That’s where the trail ended.
 


Sometime between the time she put down that list, and that evening, she’d tied an extension cord to the frame that held the grab bar for the hospital bed my pop’s was sleeping in before he went to the nursing home.  A frame I assembled for them.  She fashioned a noose, got in the bed, put her head through the loop, and laid down.
 


She very likely choked to death.  She could have stopped at any time while she was still conscious.  She chose not to.  I can’t help but wonder if, as she finally saw the yawning pit of oblivion, when it was too late to turn back, if she might have though “no, stop, I’ve changed my mind”.
 


I wonder this about all of them.  Every last one who decided death was the only answer.
 


My therapist told me I shouldn’t feel guilty about this.  I tried to explain that I didn’t feel guilty.  I’ve experienced enough suicides to understand that, short of physical intervention, there was nothing I could say that would change their minds.
 


Suicide does not just hurt the one who chooses it.  It cuts everyone around them.  It drains away a part of your soul and hangs on you forever, as heavy as Marley’s chains.
 


I’ve lived through all of this self-destruction over and over and over again.  It strikes each time like a hammer-blow.  It’s soul-destroying.  I’m losing myself.
 

Thanks for listening
 
 
 


If you make yourself miserable trying to make others happy that means everyone is miserable.

-Me again

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     Thread Starter
 

8/31/2015 6:17 pm  #166


Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

CT,

Thanks for sharing your story and the pain.

In the Orthodox Church August 31 is the last day of the ecclesial (Church) year; the new year starts on September 1.

Let the pain of August 31 be put away along with all the rest of the year that is hours away from being past.

If you'd like to know more about the turning year follow this link:

http://www.antiochianladiocese.org/files/service_texts/other_commem/indiction/Aug-31-VESP.pdf

 


Life is an Orthros.
 

9/02/2015 6:37 pm  #167


Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

09/02/2015

 The mood is sedate. This is artificially induced but I'll take what I can get.

 I got through it. I got through the call, and the hanging, and without staying home and hiding under my bed.

 My younger brother Thomas was good enough to come to Panama City from Houston to make the trip to PA with me. This was fortunate because I was shutting down to the point where I couldn't stay awake. He did most of the driving up and all of the driving back. Love you me brudder. 


Sometimes I have to remind myself to think about what's good in my life. I have a job I love. I feel good about what I do and I have a great deal of freedom in doing it. If I want to slap on my headphones and blast 80's pop music all day (this is pretty much every day) I can. No one is standing over me. No one is telling me what to do or how to do it. I get my assigned work and as long as it's done in a timely manner I'm left alone.

 I have people who care about me. The Wendy's are always there and I know I can turn to any one of them if I need to. There are also my coworkers. My pod spouse-Debala and my pod-mom Joan. There are other friends, a number of which are reading this. Group hug for everyone.

 I have a safe, comfortable home. I'm secure. It's a good life.

 Sometimes I forget this.

 But I have people who understand.

 And this is a fine thing indeed.

 Thanks for listening.


If you make yourself miserable trying to make others happy that means everyone is miserable.

-Me again

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     Thread Starter
 

9/02/2015 6:47 pm  #168


Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

You sound like a winner to me, CT.  Good job!

 

9/02/2015 8:51 pm  #169


Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

CT,

My life is richer for knowing you on line and in person.


Life is an Orthros.
 

9/04/2015 7:19 am  #170


Re: The Random Thoughts Thread

Thanks Tarnation. 

Let me know when you're coming next time, I'll put out an extra chair.

 


If you make yourself miserable trying to make others happy that means everyone is miserable.

-Me again

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     Thread Starter
 

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