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2/14/2015 7:18 pm  #1

Social Distortion

Hey all.

If anyone has read the things I write in the journal thread then you know, when it comes to social interaction I am completely clueless.

I thought I would be helpful to have a thread for people to post things that they find interesting about socializing, or problems you've encountered and how you've dealt with them.

What got me started was this:

I have a cleaing service.  It's usually the same two women.  I've only met them once.  Generally they're just in and out on every other Friday.

Since today is Valentine's Day and yesterday was a cleaning day, I left two boxes of chocolates (heart shaped), with a note saying they are my favorite valentines and thanking them for all they do for me.

Usually, after they're done cleaning they leave either a card or a note.  Yesterday there were neither.

Was leaving them chocolates or calling them my valentines the wrong thing to do?

If you make yourself miserable trying to make others happy that means everyone is miserable.

-Me again


2/16/2015 6:32 pm  #2

Re: Social Distortion

It's entirely possible leaving the cleaning staff the heart-shaped box of candy and saying they are your "favorite valentine" may have been the wrong thing to do.  Here is my reasoning on this:

Valentine's Day is a day most people associate with romantic love.  However, it can even be a day to express gratitude toward really good friends as well, for those of us who are single.  

The cleaning staff would fall into the category of "casual acquaintance", since you have only met them one time and you don't have an established, regular, interpersonal relationship with them.   They come and provide a service to you by cleaning your house, but that is the extent of it.  

By giving them the heart-shaped boxes of chocolates and the note, they may have felt possibly that this was suggesting more of an interest or interpersonal relationship than what in actuality really exists. Specifically stating "favorite Valentine" implies you like them on a more personal level, or even romantic level.  The gift and note could have been confusing for them, since they more than likely view you as a customer they provide a service to, not someone with whom they have an interpersonal relationship.  I understand from your post you are, without a doubt, genuinely grateful for the service they provide in cleaning your house for you and helping you out, and you were just attempting to express your gratitude.  It's just that the heart-shaped box of chocolates and note are something more appropriate for a significant other, or even a very good friend, on Valentine's Day.  

Try not to feel bad or guilty about this.  If in some way you are still questioning your actions, I would recommend maybe just talking to them if you happen to see them, or just simply write a note to let them know you were just trying to express gratitude for the help they provide you, just to make your actions totally clear.

Hopefully other members will chime in with their thoughts on this.   (((Hugs)))  


Carpe Diem!

2/16/2015 7:00 pm  #3

Re: Social Distortion

Thanks for the response.

Since I was diagnosed, I've been doing my best to monitor my social interaction and stop to think about what I'm saying or doing but sometimes I don't become aware that I did something wrong until after the fact.

I'm fortunate to have at least three friends who understand.  

The input helps.  Thanks!  

If you make yourself miserable trying to make others happy that means everyone is miserable.

-Me again

     Thread Starter

2/16/2015 7:14 pm  #4

Re: Social Distortion

Maybe the chocolates wasn't nesessarily a bad idea or gesture on your part, CT.  But, maybe accompanied by a note that said something like, "Thanks for all you I do," or "I appreciate your hard work."

The message is that you recognize their effort and you appreciate what they do without implying anything beyond that.  You come off as simply being a nice, thoughtful guy.


4/15/2015 3:29 pm  #5

Re: Social Distortion

I need someone to put in two window air conditioners for me.

I was thinking of asking the guy who sits near me at work.  He's very friendly and outgoing and helped a friend move so I thought he might be willing to help.

I just donated 5.00 to a tourettes' syndrome drive he's conducting at work.

Will asking him about the air conditioners make him feel obligated to help because of the donation?

Is this something I shouldn'd do?

If you make yourself miserable trying to make others happy that means everyone is miserable.

-Me again

     Thread Starter

4/15/2015 8:46 pm  #6

Re: Social Distortion

Tell him what you need to have done and ask if you could hire him to do it.  Start there and see what he says.


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